Now that we have 2012 behind us along with Mayan internet hysteria about the end of the world I thought we could get back to more important things. Surely we should be focused on the environment, the economy and the trouble in Syria. Gun control and the drug war in Mexico deserve some attention, don’t you think? At least that’s what I thought. Apparently I was wrong. While speaking to my parents the other day I discovered a couple of things that I did not know. First, it seems that real America is in the middle of the country. Middle America, the place where the Walmart empire was born. The same place that gave us deep fried candy bars and pajama jeans is also where real Americans live. This came as a surprise to me since I am pretty certain that the majority of the population resides on the coasts. Secondly, Obama is destroying this country and the liberal media is helping him. Damn liberal Hollywood and their corrupting ways. Curse you Betty White!!! Lastly, this is all part of God’s grand plan to end the world. Apparently it says somewhere in the Bible that all the liberals shall live on the coast and elect a black Democrat, but then God shall smite them by sending tsunamis and Kardashians to destroy our coastal cities. Thus killing the liberals and making the world safe for the righteous! Now exactly when this is all going to take place was not clear. There doesn’t seem to be some mystical date or sign in place to usher in the end for America. Personally I thought America bit the dust back in the 90s when the Golden Girls went off the air. That shows just how much I know.